Sunday, September 4, 2011

Not So Happy Thoughts

I've got two back log posts but I just have to do this now because I have absolutely no mood for anything else. I had one of the worst weekend in my life. I've been let down times after times only to find myself being let down more. What has been in my mind all along which I've tried to hide behind the veil of a fake smile so nobody knows. At this moment, I realize there is only this much I can give. I've done so much but people see very little. So often I run about making sure everybody is doing alright but nobody really care if I am. Very often I convince myself by telling myself it's alright because I'm the team leader. Times after times, I felt under appreciated and left out by the people I cared for - cheerleading, dance group and finally, my biggest cosplay project. I don't want to go into details but I just wanted to blurt out things which bother me still:

1. Why am I concern with things which are out of my control? The rude waiter at the busy restaurant, people who don't bother to queue for toilet, turn off the water tap or flush. Why do I question their ethics and all? I really hope everyone can be a little less selfish to make this tough place to be a little better. Where is the 'please', 'thank you' and 'sorry'?

2. No matter how much effort I put into my cosplay, it hardly get 0.1% recognition of any Miku Hatsune cosplayers out there. It seemed that only the main characters from famous anime gets the hoo-hah! A simple wig test or make-up test picture get 100 likes when my hard work cosplay only gets 3 likes included my photographer. I don't know want to laugh or cry. Others kept telling me it's not about the amount of likes. I don't know. I just felt left out from the cosplay realm when I don't cosplay the latest anime, the most popular character and all. I don't want to be driven by pressure so I'll continue to cosplay all the side kicks that I love but at the same's just so discouraging. 

3. Why the fuck Wong Swei Shen from IMU financial department is ignoring my research claim despite four emails, a visit to his office and two phone calls? He told me to drop by his office but when out thereafter. Told him to refer me to someone else if he couldn't help me but no, asked for my full name as if it was the first time he heard my issue every time I approach him. I'm getting sick of this. I wanna RAGE in IMU but me alone against the fat bald guy, who's gonna side me? I know better the politics there and how people with status just swept things under the carpet and expect you to shut up and take it in. There is so much shit that I hate about the campus but they advice (more like a warning or threat) me not to bring down my own campus as it will spoil my own market value. The truth is out there, huh.

4. I'm sick of being the team leader and being left out in the end. Why do I always work with people who let me down. I try my best provide for all needs unless shit really happen but people could let me down with a simple, 'eh, something came up', 'I'm not feeling well', 'my grandma dun let' or 'my chicken is going to lay her first egg' and the next thing you know, their yum cha pictures were all over FB. I've had enough of people telling me crap and treated me like an diot. I don't like people to take advantage on me. Come on, don't treat the others the way you don't want to be treated. How the hell is that not understandable? 

5. Just thought of this at such sad moment. During my graduation I asked a lecturer if she can take a picture with me and she said, 'wait for the whole group first'. The next thing you know, she was taking picture with another student and another, and another. She is the genius who gave me an A-, B+ and A- for my 100% coursework but in the end I get a B-. How the fuck does that happen? And they said cannot revise the marks given, no such thing as remark when it comes to coursework because there is nothing written about it in their 'student guideline'. Great, just great. 

There are a few more things which I raged earlier but my mind is blank now. Blank due to disappointment and the fact that I had to face all the ugly parts alone. 


Leon said...

Don't be discouraged...just be who you are and continue doing what you love.

Yes, life is unfair, but remember, God is always faithful.

May you be blessed.


Shizuka no Musume said...

Thanks, Leon.

月一 said...

You are the best cosplayer I ever met.Your costume outfit weapon makeup attitude ,everything is perfect and original.Thats what the other cosplayer should learn.All the photo are very very nice and high quality.Dont feel disapointed on the 'LIKE',I do feel the same way.But,not to forget the are people who still following u n Like it with a truthly heart~Keep it up ^^ Hope to cosplay with you in the future time >///<
Fishii(BonOdari the girl,Sakura cosplayer)

argentum said...

I think, I feel the same way as you do.
I rush left and right to complete things,
when I make the effort, they get the credit,
When I perform exceptionally well, I am left ignored.
When they need my help, I am their friend, but when I need their help, they are all too busy.
But hey, its life. Life has its ups and downs, so we must always remember the ups and also its downs, which all hold invaluable life lessons :D

As for not being recognised in cosplay, Phooi.. you may not be cosplaying "mainstream" anime characters, but you are the one of the most exceptional cosplayers I have ever seen and met! (do believe me in this one. I seldom give high compliments such as these) The way you portray the characters, your attention to "characteristic" details (not just costume details), your poise and elegance, the strength and fire behind those passionate eyes. You bring the life out from the character. I confess, I may not know all the anime characters that you have cosplayed, I may not even have Watched or Heard of the anime, but after looking at your cosplay, I could not help but to Find out the anime and LEARN more about it. You have succeeded Venus :) You have.

So remember, life is like the sea waves.. it has its ups and its downs..but what comes after downs..are ups :) and we'll be there with you. Not physically, but spiritually :)

okay..gotta stop here, or I sound like some stalking jiji xD
and yeah...sorry for the late comment.. din't notice that you have a blog until recently.. :)

Shizuka no Musume said...

T.T thanks, guys. Yup, was a bit down previously, emo to max >< Thanks for the encouragement :)