I've got two back log posts but I just have to do this now because I have absolutely no mood for anything else. I had one of the worst weekend in my life. I've been let down times after times only to find myself being let down more. What has been in my mind all along which I've tried to hide behind the veil of a fake smile so nobody knows. At this moment, I realize there is only this much I can give. I've done so much but people see very little. So often I run about making sure everybody is doing alright but nobody really care if I am. Very often I convince myself by telling myself it's alright because I'm the team leader. Times after times, I felt under appreciated and left out by the people I cared for - cheerleading, dance group and finally, my biggest cosplay project. I don't want to go into details but I just wanted to blurt out things which bother me still:
1. Why am I concern with things which are out of my control? The rude waiter at the busy restaurant, people who don't bother to queue for toilet, turn off the water tap or flush. Why do I question their ethics and all? I really hope everyone can be a little less selfish to make this tough place to be a little better. Where is the 'please', 'thank you' and 'sorry'?
2. No matter how much effort I put into my cosplay, it hardly get 0.1% recognition of any Miku Hatsune cosplayers out there. It seemed that only the main characters from famous anime gets the hoo-hah! A simple wig test or make-up test picture get 100 likes when my hard work cosplay only gets 3 likes included my photographer. I don't know want to laugh or cry. Others kept telling me it's not about the amount of likes. I don't know. I just felt left out from the cosplay realm when I don't cosplay the latest anime, the most popular character and all. I don't want to be driven by pressure so I'll continue to cosplay all the side kicks that I love but at the same time...it's just so discouraging.
3. Why the fuck Wong Swei Shen from IMU financial department is ignoring my research claim despite four emails, a visit to his office and two phone calls? He told me to drop by his office but when out thereafter. Told him to refer me to someone else if he couldn't help me but no, asked for my full name as if it was the first time he heard my issue every time I approach him. I'm getting sick of this. I wanna RAGE in IMU but me alone against the fat bald guy, who's gonna side me? I know better the politics there and how people with status just swept things under the carpet and expect you to shut up and take it in. There is so much shit that I hate about the campus but they advice (more like a warning or threat) me not to bring down my own campus as it will spoil my own market value. The truth is out there, huh.
4. I'm sick of being the team leader and being left out in the end. Why do I always work with people who let me down. I try my best provide for all needs unless shit really happen but people could let me down with a simple, 'eh, something came up', 'I'm not feeling well', 'my grandma dun let' or 'my chicken is going to lay her first egg' and the next thing you know, their yum cha pictures were all over FB. I've had enough of people telling me crap and treated me like an diot. I don't like people to take advantage on me. Come on, don't treat the others the way you don't want to be treated. How the hell is that not understandable?
5. Just thought of this at such sad moment. During my graduation I asked a lecturer if she can take a picture with me and she said, 'wait for the whole group first'. The next thing you know, she was taking picture with another student and another, and another. She is the genius who gave me an A-, B+ and A- for my 100% coursework but in the end I get a B-. How the fuck does that happen? And they said cannot revise the marks given, no such thing as remark when it comes to coursework because there is nothing written about it in their 'student guideline'. Great, just great.
There are a few more things which I raged earlier but my mind is blank now. Blank due to disappointment and the fact that I had to face all the ugly parts alone.