Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Nan wa Ai

What is love? One is conditioned and another unconditioned. For me, unconditioned love is rather rare...close to non-existence. Love involves lots of sacrifice, pain and considered actions. The book of Corinthians said it well but how many earthly being can live that out? Sometimes even pet such as dog can portray better loyalty.
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every sircumstances."
1 Cor. 13:4-7
"There are three things that will last forever- faith, hope and love- and the greatest of these is love."
1 Cor. 13:13
There was once, a prince who fell inlove with a maiden from a distance land. They were supposed to be deeply in loved with one another. However, the King and Queen of the soiled land deemed her unfit. They wanted the prince to leave her. The prince betrayed his words and left her. The maiden begged him not to go because he meant everything to her.
Now the prince loved little children, she fancied them not. One thought he would be an excellent father and another knew she has no right to have children if she cannot be a good parent. So the prince told the maiden if she could promise him that she will bear him seed, he will renegotiate with the King and Queen. He was very cold to her when he wanted to leave her. Now that she stupidly agreed, he was all loving again. The maiden returned home to her own family. They were distressed for her. They felt that this child had forsaken and sacrifice too much of her believes and values for a man who does not see her for who she is. She did it for love, she said. Love. They finally united, where she was forced into further submission or he shall leave her anytime and wed another princess. When the first child was born, he was born deaf and dumb. The King and Queen spat at this saying that the union was cursed from the beginning. The prince was angry because he was sure he had everything right to bear healthy beautiful children and then be a great father. He returned to his parents and left her to suffer the rest alone. She died a lonely death, filled with remorse and regret.
She has been alone all along. She bought her love with a promise that only God can decide. How can one be a good father when he cannot be a good man? Why didnt he stand up for her if he so loved her? Does he loved her as who she is or did he loved because she is a woman? What is love?
Lord, give me the courage and strenght to move on. I prayed no girls out there will have to suffer as the maiden.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

My Loss

I guess it's only when you truly lost something that you feel the pain. At the verge of losing it, my heart ached like a million needles poked through it. It has been eight years Snowy shared the same room with me. He would cuddle into a furball and lodge himself at a corner of my bed at night. We shared the same appetite on chicken essence, strawberry yogurt and herbal eggs.

It is so painful to reflect on the loss because I keep flashing back the time we had together. He used to be so snobbish, not liking people to touch him. He got all upset and growled whenever we tried to hug him. Then I bashed him terul-teruk (hug tight tight whenever I can) until he raised white flag. I used to kacau him until he beh tahan and surrender. Naturally, we got closer and he kacau balik by sleeping on my notes. He would roll on my black shirt to turn them white by morning.

Love. I really loved him. A cat he is but he is as close as a family member. I cried on him and drowned him with my tears at times. He witnessed me cursing people in my room. He listened to my out-of-tune singing and went through hell when I just started on my guitar. Sigh...I prayed he would live but he did not.

It's all so sad but all I want now is to reflect on the good memories we had and appreciate what we had gone through. I miss hugging him to sleep. I miss calling his name and see him walking towards me lazily. I miss you, Snowy. Very much. You have the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. They reflected so much spirit in them right up to the last moment. Hope to see you again someday, somewhere.

Dear all, appreciate what you have at the moment. Really. Until it's gone, it's too late.