Paint on My Face

This isn't the first time I looked into the mirror in horror at my smudged mascara. I looked like some over-gothic witch using cheap make-ups. Another day I looked like I've cried black tears. Crap...so much for being water proof and no, it's not cheap. It's Estee Lauder eye liner and mascara. Grrr...what's the point of being water proof? It doesn't stay on my eyelids with active sebacceous glands and it's difficult to remove at the end of the day. I'll just resort to lip gloss and blusher.

CaGEd.

Falling in love is one of the sweetest essence ever for guys and girls alike. Things will start off like some fairy tale, then you'll live in fairy land for the next few months and then things will change.

Yes, it's the sweetest thing when I met my first boyfriend. He was such a nice angel and I thought I was the luckiest girl ever. He is mature, smart and caring. We hit it right away with lots of promises and dreams shared.

It's only four months and I've noticed something odd. Yes, he is still as caring as ever but more temperamental. He began to talk about things which frighten me a lot. He began to told me what to do and what not to do. He kept telling me that if I do other wise, it'll ruin this relationship. I felt totally controlled and I hated it a lot. I still love this once-sweet-and-innocent kid but I grew tired of his attitude lately. He's very charismatic, knowing how to say things the right way. No mater what I said he wil be able to turn it around and make it sounds as though I am wrong and succumb into unspeakable guilt.

I felt so lonely and scared of him. Now I can only avoid him as much as I can. It's so sad...so sad that something so sweet can turn so sour now...sigh! Boyfriend!

Sex Before Marriage

When my girl friend ask my opinion on sex before marriage, I just laughed and said, "that's not Malaysian la. Very western thing." To my uttermost ignorance, it isn't so. Checking the survey done on young Malaysians, I'm surprise that many think sex before marriage is no big deal. Alright, I'm outdated and definitely underestimated Malyasian youth's openess regarding this issue. Hmmm...what do I think? Well...I don't think I'll opt for sex before marriage. Other than being wrong religiously, I it's also not healthy morally. First of all, there may be lots of unwanted pregnancy.

Alright, I have this gentleman who argued that there's abortion. Fine, abort once, twice and then what? Abortion basically causes scarring in the uterine tissues which may cause trauma where future (desired and planned) pregnancy may be difficult.

Next, sex before marriage usually (dun kill me for this, I meant usually) leads to more than one parthner. This is one reason of increasing sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). STD is not only HIV, there are other horrible diseases such as Gonorrhoea, Syiphillis and Choncroid. Worst, a HIV positive can be a carrier for 2 to 10 years withour signs and symptoms. Are you sure the person you sleep with is clean? Oh ya, please take HIV test before marriage or else the couple may as well be part of the statistic. Then this very same gentleman told me there's condom - specifically Durex cause it's the best he said (okay, he is getting really creepy at this point). I don't think condom solve every issue. It's not 100% safe anyway. Other than that, I actually anti-condom cause I think it's unfair for the girls. Alright, guys love sex and I doubt they care if the latex is there or not - sex is still sex at the end of the day. But girls! You okay with some latex stuffed into you? Isn't it foing to be highly uncormfortable? Alright, maybe the latex reduces unnecessary friction from wrinkled skin but still...the thought of having something plastic invade into the vagina is creepy for me. Okay, maybe it doesn't feel that way, I don't know and I doubt I want to find out. You girls tell me kay?

Lastly but not least, it may not be healthy for a relationship. Maybe I fell in love with this guy and yes, we may talk about marriage and bla bla. then we have sex and for some reason we break up. Hmm...that will be really heart breaking isn't it? Don't you people want to safe the best for the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with? Don't you want to share your deepest privacy with that one true person? Hmm...'marriage may not last', said that creepy no-longer-gentleman. True, but that's the closest you can get isn't it? Marriage is not a bed of roses, it's commitment. Save the best for the last. Hehe...that's what I think. Call me an old school, I don't mind. I think I'll keep my body sacred as the temple of God till the time comes.