Into the Secret Garden

I just read one of my friend's blog. I admire the way she put her thoughts together. The way she danced with her ideas and gave a deep presentation. I felt the most for the content because I know many people out there including me, felt that way and did the same silly mistakes before.

The essence of falling in love is so suffocating. You know how you first knew that person and how you slowly found out more things about him, most of the time on purpose *winks*. The first actual conversation, the teaseful remarks, the time spent together (mainly on work purposes). Then you realise you will purposely find things to do and spend time with him (join the same activity, same club et cetera). Every single sms or phone call means a lot. There will be messages that you will keep for months! Like the song 'Teardrops on Guitar', everything fades when he is around. He began to infiltrate your thoughts everywhere - breakfast, lecture, toilet, before you sleep and the first thing when you wake up. The more you found out the more you want to know deeper but sometimes, the deeper you go the more you get hurt. If it worked out, it's called a relationship. If it did not, it's called crush.

Too often, we fall in love with people who don't 'fall' back. We comfort ourself by saying it is the process of finding the right one. It's even more depressing if we fall for people who don't even know our existence. It's kind of rare to fall for someone who likes back *hugging sotong*. Unless we're talking about a super hot chick or a super hot hunk that everybody wants - you know that kind of people we always say they can get anyone they want? Hmm...I wonder how these people feel. Do they get rejected as well? Sometimes it's not even wise to fall too fast cuz you're might lose the things you hold dearly. Many a times, people judge with heart when it comes to this matter, all the palpitations.

I guess the best way is to maintain friendship if things doesn't work out from the BEGINNING. Don't wait till tears come flowing and hearts get broken. Pulling a break that time can't save a beautiful friendship. Nevetheless, like the song 'Realize': If you just realise what I just realise, we'll never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now. Meaning: maybe not now but some time in future. Just a maybe though so it's okay to maintain a friendship right, isn't it? Be strong, girl. This is dedicated to you. Hugs! A survival guide to those in relationship, you just gotta keep falling in love but with the same person ;-) *hugs sotong*.

Question to ponder: Why fat guys can find girlfriend but fat girls difficult to find boyfriend? Statistically saying.

End of a Glorious Titan

I signed in friendster a while ago. I was running through a few things and realise that I signed up friendster in 2004. Back then, friendster was the IN thing. Friendster was EVERYTHING. Something like HI 5 came up but didn't make it. Friendster was with me throughout my secondary school life. Today, it's all about Facebook and the era of Friendster ended.

I read back some of the testimony from my friends. Those days, it is very popular to attach teddy bears and christmas trees in the testimony column. Every year without fail, the testimony column will be flooded with new year wish, birthday wishes and christmas greetings. I regret that I did not really keep in touch with most of them. Sigh...I wasn't that much of a friend back then, I guess.

Then there was this blog, my first ever blog. I compared my writing nowdays and I just can't write like the way I used to. Through the blog I remember my birthday parties where I literally forced people to attend xs. I remember being part of the choir team in church, dances and come up with short sketches for annual celebrations. Hmmm...I used to join art stuff back in school where I started to mix with account clas students. I remember doing a painting which one of my classmate liked a lot. Now I look at that painting also I want to vomit.

I used to be anime freak too. I may be a japanese freak now but no longer anime freak. My era ended with Gensomaden Saiyuki. Hmm...I once forced a guy to draw Genzo Sanzo for me. Hehe...you see, I used to force a lot of people do a lot of thing. Lol...I wondered how I did it. Sorry ah people! Ngo zhi cho le...

Surprisingly there are still people who use friendster. They told me friendster is more personal, quiet and suitable for close friends. Hmm...true also, facebook is so popular until it is no longer personal and there's no touch of privacy anymore. But I like Restaurant City and Suki no Sushi!

Love Your What!?

Love your enemy. Sweat...when my enemy appears before my eyes, me heart rate increase, blood pressure shoot up, heavy diaphoresis, stop saliva production and reduced gastraointestinal tract mortility. As a result, look away instantly and pretend didn't see anything. If I have to meet enemies daily, I would suffer, cardiovascular disease, hypertension, dehydration and constipation.

What is going on?

As usual, I like to break things down for clearer picture. What brings that kind of hatred is actually the work of our real enemy - the saitans. They came, after all to kill, steal and destroy. The only thing they fear and cannot comprehen is love. I guess that is why we are called to love. Of course, I'm saying this from the Christians' point of view. However, it is SOOOOOOO hard to do!

Take the example today. I walked pass a guy who put me down greatly a short while ago. I said 'hi' and gave a genuine smile. It's genuine okay because I hope he would forget the grudge and be friends again. Mana la tahu, he look also don't want to look at me. So...I'm suffering in silence and it's good cuz that will bring us back to the post 'Weapon of Christ' - why we need to suffer. Woo...sakit hati. Then again, everyday also we will meet some dunggu fella who scratch our ego a bit here and there and pour buckets of ice at us. Still, we can choose to think of the nice people we meet even if it means your pet cat when you get back. Sigh...in the end, it's about about self-awareness and self-control. I'm still learning.

Oh...also, the previous post is not directed to anyone in particular. Lol...my boyfriend got so tension and thought I was tembak-ing him for no reason. Nola, macha. Please read the post intro. If you naughty, I'll run you over with a truck and reverse. Run over and reverse. Run over and reverse and run over...xp.

Sex before marriage

I wrote about this before some time last year. Recently, I've heard another incident which prompted me to write again. Hey, I'm not being nosy. I'm just voicing out my opinion. Lady Gaga is right when she says, 'The story always begin with a boy and a girl and a *sex* and a *game*. Take note, it's only a game not relationship.

Sigh...where do I begin? Temptations are great when two young lovers get together. The lights were dim, soft background music, nobody else is around, some sweet talk and oops! One moment you're talking about the future and the next, 'Oh my God! What have I done?' You see, a guy can almost instantly feel guilty and regret after orgasm. He will feel so bad about himself for doing so and so. Thinking that he doesn not deserve her and that she deserves better. As a defence mechanism stated by Freud's Theory, he left the girl. There's an obvious misconception here. The guy thinks he's being noble by backing off (not wanting to hurt her again la et cetera) but it's plain irresponsible and selfish.

For those who opt for fun and play then I have nothing to say la except that sexually transmitted diseases are no fun and that condoms are not 100% safe. But to those who seek future and a healthy relationship, draw a line and have respect for one another. Besides, there are other ways of showing affections. It's worth the wait. Why cannot wait? Scare see the actual body dy regret terus!? So what does your relationship based on?

Hmm...I don't know why. I think once it starts, it just won't stop. That's when promiscuisity (did I get the spelling right? I lazy to check) starts. Unless of course it was a forced act. What do you think? I'm not saying all but many relationship ended after it starts. Well you may argue there are relationships which ends without sex. Yeah, so which sounds better? Break up without prio body involvement or after? I'm not asking the guys. Girls?

For the girls, don't be so trusting. Men (guys and gals) can speak wonders and promised miracles but sadly...sometimes words are just worlds. So let's all not be stupid ya. Girls, protect thy value and guys don't ruin your future and name.

Moral lessons:

1. Think twice. Guys and girls alike. Think more than twice.

2. Self-help.

3. Get away before things get out of hand.

Okay, sorry if this post is disturbing for some of you but this is an issue. Like it or not, you might be in the same dilemma one day. Okay, okay! I shaddap now.

Weapon of Christ

When it comes to Christians, the immediate symbol would be the cross. Do you know what does the cross means? The cross is the sign of suffering as Christ suffered on it for the people He loved.

Christian weapon = cross

Since the Cross = suffering

Therefore one of Christians' greatest weapon = ability to suffer as Christ did

I'm not saying that type of suffering where you need to be stripped and whipped. Criticism, betrayal and misunderstood by others for being a Christain is a form of suffering too. That kind of loneliness and silent persecution, painful it is. What I'm trying to say??

The world is with sin and darkness. When you try to shine His light, shadows will try to devour you. Because the darkness is greater in this world, the light within you often put to shame and rediculed. Do you still stand as the light and allow Him to shine through you? Or do you allow it to dim and blend into the darkness.

Persecution is too common even among Christians. Going to church every Sunday doens't make you a Christian. Christian means being Christ-like. So what's that? Not asking you to be god but to love like the way he did. Don't you agree if the world has more love and less lust, hatred and greed things would have been better?

God's love (Agape): Allowing freedome and choice to grow. Allowing suffering of the consequences so you can learn repentance but never to leave your side and let you fall. Never keep grudge but to forgive and nurture. Understands your weakness and finds your strength.

KLPF 2009

This event is all about photography for photography lovers (pro and amateur photographers alike). Fujifilm held a photography competition entitled 'People'. Therefore, four other girls and I went on stage and posed what seemed like forever on stage to be 'shoot'. The flashlights we unbearable. I've got migraine at the end of the day...

On Sat, we were supposed to wear guy-like attire. 'Cool' stuff they said. So I had this no-smile-ans no-nonsense-look all the way through. Mana tau ada people complain this model didn't smile enough. Cis...I abide by the given theme ma. There was supposed to be a second attire but nobody told me about the casual wear so I ended up going on stage with my aunty baju and uncle pants. Lol...

The other girls were Eva, Rhea and Careen. I didn't catch the name of the other taller girl XS. Sumimasen.

From left: Pierre (I tembak the spelling), stage coordinator. That name reminded me of the first ballet barre I had. Lol...was supposed to name it Abu though XD. Mei and I.

I totally love the make up! Mei was the make-up artist. There's three 'Mei' make-up artist in my life already o.O. She so tall and pretty than many of us there. I think she should be the one on stage though. Besides, many photographers took her pics than ours that day. Lol. Nevertheless, the hair was horrible. No fingers pointing, I'm not telling who did it but it was a...well...I give you the liberty to comment.

One of da pic taken using a digital camera in the mist of all the hyperextended digital SLRs. I loved it though. Courtesy of my boyfriend who accompanied me there for two days! Thanks, gula-gula. Hugs!

Second day was better. I like my dresses and the body art. The hairdo was a whole lot better too. What a relief! Thank you guys for tagging me in FB yah! Hmmm...actually what I didn't know was the fact that I had to pose with Fuji Camera which felt like some sort of product launching. It was awkward. Posing with a camera xs. I seriously ran out of ideas on how to pose at the end of the day. Sigh...maybe I should just stick to fashion~

Well...the best thing is at the end of the day, I get to go home and curled up on my cozy bed with my kittens (10 cents and 5 cents). At night have dinner with my family and Man Man. Love you all~

Cheerleading

Something upsetting happened lately. This year we had a new group of people for sport team. I was totally thrilled as I wasn't very happy with the team I had two years back because of the lack of commitment. This year, the cheerleading thing started off fine. Then there's this this miscommunication with this girl who later turned out to be a misunderstanding. She has no intention to join anyhow but because of this incident, one of my team mate left too. It's so heart wrenching because I really love this team as it is now. Each and everyone of them.

The fella who left told me to chill and relax. It's not like that. I just couldn't articulate how I felt about the team and I felt responsible to keep this team together. Then he told me don't put all the blame on myself. I'm not blaming myself of course since I'm not the one who messed up the team then pull my team mates away. What I felt was the responsibility to keep the team together if this can be done. Sometimes I just wondered how such women can have everything they want. How unfair things are. Sigh...broken hearted.

Heart wrenching. Totally. How such stupid thing cost a friendship and the spirit of the team. I've done what I can but it's still up to him in the end. I just hope things could turn out better.