Monday, February 13, 2017

AYAM BECK

Wow...guess it is true what they say about, 'what goes online stays online.' Last post was written four years ago, I don't even have what it takes to scroll though the past posts ;'D

Let me assure you, many things have changed in four year. My profession, my religion, my sexual orientation, my weight damn it and my priority. Heck, even my name if I could. For a short while there I was really active in FB in terms of sharing my thoughts and feeling. I wore my heart on my sleeves on FB. Perhaps I have aged, or perhaps I'm sick of keyboard warriors that I began to look for alternatives to vent. So, I'm back X'D probably just for a while.



Let's see. Let's start by updating that I no longer practicing as a nurse, yes this is a great disappointment to my family and friends. It is like a demotion in the society. Furthermore I venture into my own business, costume designing and working closely with the cosplay community. Fantastic combination. People around me still think I've thrown my life away, wasted my years of education and a completely idiot for not earning SGD anymore but scrapping for crumbs back in this devastating country. True to certain extend but I do not want to explain my depression episode while I was practicing again. So, let's just say I'm doing what I like now and surviving. Nothing prestigious, no title to my name, no properties under my name yet as well but I'm alive and that is good ;)

Secondly, I am no longer a Christian nor a believer or any religion. Actually I think I left the entire faith thing even before I go Singapore. Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with religion or religious people. You may practice what you believe but I will appreciate it if they don't condemn me or try to convert me. If people are honest enough to explore that things being taught in that book written aeons ago with no actual legit reference, they will see so many unconvincing stuff inside that has been covered up with, ýou just gotta have faith!'Áfter I'm openly a theist, a 20yrs friendship ended. Clap clap clap* I don't blame her, it is her job to convert people after all. Some of the stuff you can check out if you dare will be friendly atheist' and 'darkmatter2525'. I do not target Christianity specifically, take my mom for eg. she is throwing her life away with practicing all her chinese voodoo she learn from youtube buddha so that she can go to her chinese heaven. Okcan. Not to mention every fucking thing is haram in Malaysia now even the Arabians are confused.

In terms of priority, I am paying my bills and putting food on the table and two kitty bowls. I still cosplay but not as much, mainly Western stuff. I am not as involved in the community, attending less than five events a year. Hmm...maybe only three, itu pun sebab kerja. One thing doesn't change though, I still love cats. And food. Oh, I wanna keep an owl and an otter >o<

Last but not least, I am openly bisexual. I am attracted to both men and women but still not in the sexual way so I'm probably still asexual in away. I'm still not very comfortable with physical shit I really don't know how people can date twice and a week later start making out in public, hands all over each other 24-7, sniffing the shit out of each other. It was a long journey but I am grateful for my sexual orientation revelation. I was told to keep it low because it will affect my reputation and my business. I don't know how does being bisexual affects my work? Regardless male or female costumes, I still put equal heart into them ma. Also, I still prefer cats than human ahahhahaha...

In terms of personality, I'm much more louder than I used to be. I cursed openly left right up down center. Life is stressful enough, I don't want to keep everything bottled up. After two episodes of depression break down, I felt as though I've died and return. Too much time has been wasted, it's about time to start living freely and nor pretending to be someone I am not.

Seeing how it is Valentine today, I shall share a heart shattering yet an important lesson I've learned last year for falling into a player chick. Stay tune aiks, it is entertaining as hell.

Adios~